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Emotional boundaries may feela bit more abstract. Setting these mayinclude creating limits for how acouple behavesduring tough or combativemoments . For example,you mayrule out yelling or name calling, establishing a mutual expectation that this boundary is not to be crossed. These expectations should be set in advance so that when difficult and painful emotions come out, there are ground rules on how to proceed.

A partnership also needs boundaries around external relationships, such as with friends, at work, or with family. For one partner, innocent flirting with co-workers may be a deal breaker. Another might have concerns about spending time away from the relationship with friends. How will family time be handled? Boucher advises these boundaries need to be “made clear so the people in the relationship continue to feel safe and understood.”

If you’re unsure what your personal boundaries are, it’s going to be hard for others to follow them. To help figure out your own limits, start by tuning into your emotions and thoughts.

Our emotions and thoughts serve as a kind of compass to where boundary lines need to be drawn, therapist Julie de Azevedo Hanks tells Sam Edelman Womens Leya Sneaker Ink Navy Suede 12 UK Mauve Pink RIGb5ey0
. She addsthat emotional discomfort may indicate an area where a boundary is needed, while pleasurable emotions let us know we are on the right track.

We also need to tap into what wevalue, non-negotiably, in all facets of our individual lives— whether that’s maintaining ahobby on the weekends, or spending a certain holiday with beloved family members. To hone in on your specific values, Hecker recommends asking yourself questions such as, “What is important to me? What are my needs? What are the traditions/hobbies I want to keep? Am I always striving for personal satisfaction and happiness?”

Once you’ve had the time to reflect on your boundaries, the next step iscommunication. Your partner probably isn’t a mind reader and shouldn’t have to guess your boundaries, though many of us fall prey to this behavior. State them clearly both in advance and when your partner crosses a boundary in the moment. Of course, this is easier said than done.

“Saying ‘no’ or speaking our truth when someone upsets us might feel scary at first,” coach and mentor Jennifer Kass shares on Odomolor Womens Laceup LowHeels Microfibre Solid SquareToe PumpsShoes Red 37 tbs9bu
. “When we face our fears and express our thoughts and feelings openly to the person who upsets us or pushes our boundaries, internal healing occurs…when we show up for ourselves, we provide an opportunity for those around us to show up as well.”

If possible, it’s best to have “boundary conversations” when things are going well — that is,before there is a problem. Sure, there will be times when we have to remind our partner about our boundaries as issues inevitably arise. In the heat of the moment, communicate boundary violations without blaming your partner.

For example, counselor Gary Gilles PleaserUSA Womens Platform Sandals Delight609 black patent xLyaGtzCvq
,“It’s much better to say, ‘I feel hurt and misunderstood in this conversation’ than to say, ‘You made me feel hurt because of the way you talked to me.’ The former is simply expressing an emotion; the latter is blaming your partner for the hurt feelings.”

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[…] before, there is just nothing better than a good chocolate chip cookie. Since my friend gave methisrecipe, it’s been the only chocolate chip cookie I ever make. Take a looksie…the […]

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These tasted absolutely amazing when I made them (I swear I gained five pounds because I made about fifty and ended up eating them all by myself), but I had a problem with my cookies overspreading. I used the same kind of ice cream scoop as you, but when I baked them, my cookies ended up very thin and and about three inches wide. They sort of fell apart in my hands, even after they cooled. Any tips?

Reply
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October 24, 2012

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After stumbling on this recipe, I have made these cookies tons of times, and I’ve made them a ton of different ways because I didn’t always have the exact ingredients. However, the past few times I’ve followed the recipe almost exactly and they haven’t turned out like I see yours have. They’re still the best cookies I’ve ever tasted, but my dough doesn’t get as wet as your seems to. The cookies also don’t spread as much. They’re almost like a crinkle cookies w/o the crinkle. Any tips? Yours look fantastic, and I’d love to try them ooey gooey!

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I just made a batch and baked trial cookies. tastes amazing but the cookies turned out really thin? is it bc I didn’t wait the 24hrs or do you have any suggestions on how to make them fluffier?

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i dont think waiting 24 hours makes much difference. as a test i baked one right when i made the dough then placed the rest of the dough in the fridge as the recipe directed. they came out with exactly the same taste and look as the one not fridged.

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